I always get excited about the clocks going forward - no more dark evenings, the start of warm weather... For the past six months I've been finishing work and travelling home in the darkness, which I really dislike. However, the clocks going forward will forever hold another meaning to me now.
At this time exactly a year ago, I was in a dark place to say the least. Amongst all of the taxing second-year university work and the pressure that I was under to complete my assignments, I'd been faced with another, more long-term choice to make - to continue with my life in the way that it had been to save hurting someone else, or to make myself happy and give myself a new lease of hope.
Initially, I despised myself for even considering putting myself first. I couldn't bear the thought of hurting someone after all that we'd been through together. There was one huge problem, unfortunately - as much as I cared about them, I just couldn't reciprocate the feelings that they had for me any more. I tried my best to bury the thoughts that I was having but eventually, they burst from my chest and my world came crashing down onto me. They wanted to know why I was being so distant and the words were almost forced from my mouth. I was dreading the reaction that I was going to get and boy, oh boy did I get it...
The next few days were something of a nightmare. I held a dinner party at my house with a few friends the day after our initial talk and whilst they laughed and joked away, I suppressed my emotions and tried to join in. It was tough, pretending to be happy when I was far from it; however, I think I just managed to pull it off. Hey, I'd been doing it for the past few months so why should it have been any different then?
Then came the day of the clock changing. I'd had a long, tiring day at work and to make matters worse, I managed to screw up my day through a lack of concentration. As I left with my eyes to the floor and my heart dragging along behind them, a friend of mine noticed my sadness. They tried to get it out of me but I refused to talk. I got home and locked myself away in my bedroom, far from the troubling day that I'd had. I just wanted to shrink up into a small pile of dust and prayed that nobody would notice.
Then, a ray of sunshine shone into the blackness. "I've finished work... I'll be with you in about 15 minutes!" It was my friend that noticed my sorrow earlier on that day. I smiled to myself in the knowledge that someone was on my side throughout my troublesome time.
They arrived in almost no time at all - yet somehow, an hour had passed in between.
"What's the time?" I asked, fumbling in my pocket for my phone. I pulled it out and gasped.
"2am?! I swear it was 12.45am only a moment ago! Oh, wait... of course! The clocks went forward, haha!"
After a brief chuckle about the time change, we talked. We talked some more. We started to laugh and joke a little. Eventually we got on to the topic that I'd been dreading talking about. I froze momentarily before I gently let the thoughts escape from my lips. After listening intently to me for a few minutes as I spoke, my friend said one thing to me that struck a chord deep in my heart:
"You should never base a relationship on how long you've been together. If things aren't right, for any reason, you have to be fair on not only your partner, but yourself. Leading someone into false hope isn't the way to go."
It was as if a door had been unlocked before me. False hope... After months of turmoil, I had finally made my decision. I had the key to the door - now, I just had to open it...
I stayed with my friend all night, discussing my feelings and working things out. Before we knew it, the sun rose and it was already 7am. We said our farewells, rubbing our bleary eyes, then went home. I fell asleep as soon as I got into my bed and was completely zoned out for the rest of the day, having to wake up just three hours later for work.
This year, I'm spending my day a little differently and thankfully, without a worry in my heart. I will be forever thankful for that person who dug me from the dirt when I thought I could dig no lower. The decision that I made that night was, quite frankly, one of the best that I've made in my life so far.
A year on, I'm as happy as can be. I can't wait to see what the next year holds! :) x
Saturday, 24 March 2012
Wednesday, 7 March 2012
Colour B4 - Top notch!
It goes without saying that I am a hair dye junkie.
My hair colour has always been more of an fashion statement to me than anything else. Like the seasons, it changes several times over the course of one year. Over the past four years, I've been chocolate brown, bleach blonde, fiery red, not mentioning all of the colours in between. Of course, along with these tints have come not only raving successes but horrific failures.
Around this time last year, my hair was as bright as a light bulb. People had mixed opinions on it, as they always do, but I loved it. I look back on the time when I was blonde and I smile because many great things happened in that period: bathing in the sunshine, chilling with friends in front of the Wii, the start of a thrilling relationship...
A few months after this, however, I decided that I wanted to go on a journey back to my natural hair colour. I'd decided that four years of almost constant hair dying couldn't be very healthy and that giving my tired locks a break would do them more good than harm. So, I went out and got myself a fairly light shade of brown and plastered it on. Part of me regretted it instantly. I'd become so used to seeing my blonde locks tumbling over my shoulders that even seeing the lightest shade of brown looked drastically different. I came to love it eventually. However, that pesky blonde buried underneath wasn't finished yet. After a few weeks I may as well have not bothered dying it at all - bleach can be a bugger to cover up, as I'm sure all the peroxide ladies out there know very well!
Almost an inch of regrowth later, I decided to take the brown plunge again. Much to my horror, my 'Light Frosted Brown' was not light or frosted at all. On my journey back to nature, I'd basically ended up back where I started four years ago - chocolate brown. Argh! As much as people said it suited me, I was not happy. Then we end up in January. I'm bored of my hair, my regrowth is astonishing, and I want a change. I'd always had a secret desire to go red, and thought that this was the perfect time to do so... and I did! For two months now, I have been a fiery red, which I have loved having. However, I have quickly become bored of it. Maybe I'm just not alternative enough to have an unnatural hair colour...!
So, back to my original topic after that HUGE trail-off. I really wanted blonde hair again, but with such bright red hair, it was going to be a mission to get it the way I wanted it... until I discovered Colour B4!
Basically, Colour B4 is like a colour stripper, but it doesn't contain damaging bleaches or ammonia so it doesn't further damage hair. It works by targeting the artificial colour molecules in hair and shrinks them so they can be simply washed away - it's more or less a reversal of the dying process. Clever, huh?
I felt a little sceptical about it at first, but I'm so glad I did it. My hair came out a dark honey blonde! I'm just utterly amazed that this worked so well. If only I'd known about it when I first messed up about 6 months ago!
x
My hair colour has always been more of an fashion statement to me than anything else. Like the seasons, it changes several times over the course of one year. Over the past four years, I've been chocolate brown, bleach blonde, fiery red, not mentioning all of the colours in between. Of course, along with these tints have come not only raving successes but horrific failures.
Around this time last year, my hair was as bright as a light bulb. People had mixed opinions on it, as they always do, but I loved it. I look back on the time when I was blonde and I smile because many great things happened in that period: bathing in the sunshine, chilling with friends in front of the Wii, the start of a thrilling relationship...
A few months after this, however, I decided that I wanted to go on a journey back to my natural hair colour. I'd decided that four years of almost constant hair dying couldn't be very healthy and that giving my tired locks a break would do them more good than harm. So, I went out and got myself a fairly light shade of brown and plastered it on. Part of me regretted it instantly. I'd become so used to seeing my blonde locks tumbling over my shoulders that even seeing the lightest shade of brown looked drastically different. I came to love it eventually. However, that pesky blonde buried underneath wasn't finished yet. After a few weeks I may as well have not bothered dying it at all - bleach can be a bugger to cover up, as I'm sure all the peroxide ladies out there know very well!
Almost an inch of regrowth later, I decided to take the brown plunge again. Much to my horror, my 'Light Frosted Brown' was not light or frosted at all. On my journey back to nature, I'd basically ended up back where I started four years ago - chocolate brown. Argh! As much as people said it suited me, I was not happy. Then we end up in January. I'm bored of my hair, my regrowth is astonishing, and I want a change. I'd always had a secret desire to go red, and thought that this was the perfect time to do so... and I did! For two months now, I have been a fiery red, which I have loved having. However, I have quickly become bored of it. Maybe I'm just not alternative enough to have an unnatural hair colour...!
So, back to my original topic after that HUGE trail-off. I really wanted blonde hair again, but with such bright red hair, it was going to be a mission to get it the way I wanted it... until I discovered Colour B4!
Basically, Colour B4 is like a colour stripper, but it doesn't contain damaging bleaches or ammonia so it doesn't further damage hair. It works by targeting the artificial colour molecules in hair and shrinks them so they can be simply washed away - it's more or less a reversal of the dying process. Clever, huh?
I felt a little sceptical about it at first, but I'm so glad I did it. My hair came out a dark honey blonde! I'm just utterly amazed that this worked so well. If only I'd known about it when I first messed up about 6 months ago!
x
Thursday, 23 February 2012
Sacrifice or moderation? I'll take a nice big helping of moderation please
So, it appears that Lent is upon us once again. Not once have I given up anything for Lent, because I didn't feel the need to - I'm not a religious person for a start. However, this year I've decided to participate... by putting myself onto a healthy eating diet! I feel that giving something up entirely isn't always the best, or the healthiest thing to do (unless we're talking about kebabs, which I never eat anyway).
I'm doing this for me, and me only. I've decided that being selfish isn't something that I do often enough, so I'm saying hello to the new, healthier and hopefully more toned me by the end of this 40 day period. If it takes longer than 40 days it's really no big deal. The achievement at the end is enough of a motivation for me! I just want to shake off this winter fat storage and bring that bikini body back for the summer.
I've also set another goal - to stop worrying and caring so much about things that don't matter. I seem to have this tendency to let people who don't play a part in my life any more get to me in ways that make me feel uncomfortable, sad and angry. I'm going to use these 40 days wisely, to build up my defences not only physically but emotionally too. I'm going to stop letting myself being drawn in by people who have hurt me in the past and focus on the people that are there for me day and night, no matter what happens. As the saying goes:
"If you're not here for me during my struggle, don't expect to be present during my success."
Steering away from that emotional side, I've actually been on my diet for the past week, and so far I've lost 3lb. Nothing huge, but baby steps are the way forward - if I'd lost a stone in a week, I'd be getting seriously worried! ;)
Stay tuned for updates!
<3 x
I'm doing this for me, and me only. I've decided that being selfish isn't something that I do often enough, so I'm saying hello to the new, healthier and hopefully more toned me by the end of this 40 day period. If it takes longer than 40 days it's really no big deal. The achievement at the end is enough of a motivation for me! I just want to shake off this winter fat storage and bring that bikini body back for the summer.
I've also set another goal - to stop worrying and caring so much about things that don't matter. I seem to have this tendency to let people who don't play a part in my life any more get to me in ways that make me feel uncomfortable, sad and angry. I'm going to use these 40 days wisely, to build up my defences not only physically but emotionally too. I'm going to stop letting myself being drawn in by people who have hurt me in the past and focus on the people that are there for me day and night, no matter what happens. As the saying goes:
"If you're not here for me during my struggle, don't expect to be present during my success."
Steering away from that emotional side, I've actually been on my diet for the past week, and so far I've lost 3lb. Nothing huge, but baby steps are the way forward - if I'd lost a stone in a week, I'd be getting seriously worried! ;)
Stay tuned for updates!
<3 x
Sunday, 19 February 2012
iFreak
I have a confession to make - I think I'm slowly becoming an Apple slave.
I bought my first iPhone this week and I've fallen head-over-heels in love with it. Those who know me personally will know that I've always been a bit of a techie, but THIS just takes it to whole new level (after the jailbreak, of course! ;) ). I had no idea just how customisable the iPhone really is and having owned a BlackBerry for the past two years, I'd become comfortable in the knowledge that the BlackBerry was far easier to customise and more flexible. How wrong was I?! Okay, so admittedly some of the jailbreak stuff is most likely far too advanced for the average person to even think about poking and prodding, so in that sense, the BlackBerry is sliiiightly more user-friendly. However, I seriously had no idea that the iPhone was capable of so much! What baffles me the most is that these functions can only be accessed through jailbreaking... If the iPhone is so advanced, why are Apple not taking advantage of its true power?
Seriously though, if I had a social life before I got this phone, it would most certainly be sobbing as my iPhone, bearing a troll face, flushed it down the toilet and watched every agonising second of its drowning. (Skim over that part where I just told you I have no social life. DOOOOO IT. *turns into Forever Alone*.) Now my evenings are spent squinting at a minuscule retina display whilst trying to perfect my Super Mario theme right down to the very last 1-up mushroom.
Apple: destroying all of Lauren's human interactions since 2012.
;) x
I bought my first iPhone this week and I've fallen head-over-heels in love with it. Those who know me personally will know that I've always been a bit of a techie, but THIS just takes it to whole new level (after the jailbreak, of course! ;) ). I had no idea just how customisable the iPhone really is and having owned a BlackBerry for the past two years, I'd become comfortable in the knowledge that the BlackBerry was far easier to customise and more flexible. How wrong was I?! Okay, so admittedly some of the jailbreak stuff is most likely far too advanced for the average person to even think about poking and prodding, so in that sense, the BlackBerry is sliiiightly more user-friendly. However, I seriously had no idea that the iPhone was capable of so much! What baffles me the most is that these functions can only be accessed through jailbreaking... If the iPhone is so advanced, why are Apple not taking advantage of its true power?
Seriously though, if I had a social life before I got this phone, it would most certainly be sobbing as my iPhone, bearing a troll face, flushed it down the toilet and watched every agonising second of its drowning. (Skim over that part where I just told you I have no social life. DOOOOO IT. *turns into Forever Alone*.) Now my evenings are spent squinting at a minuscule retina display whilst trying to perfect my Super Mario theme right down to the very last 1-up mushroom.
Apple: destroying all of Lauren's human interactions since 2012.
;) x
Sunday, 15 January 2012
Some days I do wonder... *rolls eyes*
I'm pretty more than sure that this has been done before, but I'm seriously considering compiling a list of Facebook/Twitter stereotypes.
Things go on in my news feeds that drive me insane and I feel God awful for the people who have to put up with it too. Example:
Girl #1: "OMG, this is like, the third photo I've uploaded of myself this morning, I look so freakin' uglyyyyy. Probz gonna delete but hey ho. Now I'm gonna post some stupid and irrelevant song lyrics in this photo description because I REALLY REALLY want all my mateyz to like this photo. Like all my other ones."
The photo gets about 40 likes. FORTY. Of course she's not going to bloody delete it later. SHE JUST WANTS YOUR ATTENTION, LIKE EVERY OTHER DAY. You might as well rename her as "Troll" in your contact list because that's what she's doing. TROLLING YOU. EVERY. FLIPPING. DAY.
Now we move onto Girl #2. Oh boy, Girl #2 is an ENTIRELY different kettle of fish.
"listening to "Song Title" by My Favourite Singer. love it."
"@myfavouritesinger thank you so much for your wonderful music. it brings me so much JOY. yes, JOY. see, I'm overusing the word JOY because you mentioned it at your concert about 10 months ago. still using it. thank you for being you. xxxxxxxxx"
"grrr wanted to be home early tonight to book tickets for My Favourite Singer's concert. now I'll have to be in the SECOND row. boo hoo. #MyFavouriteSingersConcertOnThisDate"
"yay concert in two years' time! can't wait. love you My Favourite Singer. <3 #MyFavouriteSingersConcertOnThisDate #IUseReallyLongAndIrritatingHashTagsThatBarelyFitIntoTheWordLimitBecauseICanAndImShowingThatImReallySocialMediaSavvyByDoingSo"
Ok. We GET it. You love this person's work, fair enough. For our sanity though, PLEASE STOP VOMITING ABOUT IT IN EVERY SINGLE POST YOU MAKE!
Don't even get me started on RPG Addicts. Pfft, as if they are real RPGs anyway.
"Addict needs your help with her ewe! She's in labour and needs a helping hand to deliver the lambs!"
"Addict needs just ONE MORE recipe to become the best cook in the world! EVERRR!"
"Addict wants some nails and sticky tape to build a mansion! Yeah that's right! A MANSION FOR THEIR MADE UP, VIRTUAL WORLD IN WHAMSHIMBOMBOOBA!"
STUPID PEOPLE MAKE ME SHOUT IN MY BLOGS! X
Things go on in my news feeds that drive me insane and I feel God awful for the people who have to put up with it too. Example:
Girl #1: "OMG, this is like, the third photo I've uploaded of myself this morning, I look so freakin' uglyyyyy. Probz gonna delete but hey ho. Now I'm gonna post some stupid and irrelevant song lyrics in this photo description because I REALLY REALLY want all my mateyz to like this photo. Like all my other ones."
The photo gets about 40 likes. FORTY. Of course she's not going to bloody delete it later. SHE JUST WANTS YOUR ATTENTION, LIKE EVERY OTHER DAY. You might as well rename her as "Troll" in your contact list because that's what she's doing. TROLLING YOU. EVERY. FLIPPING. DAY.
Now we move onto Girl #2. Oh boy, Girl #2 is an ENTIRELY different kettle of fish.
"listening to "Song Title" by My Favourite Singer. love it."
"@myfavouritesinger thank you so much for your wonderful music. it brings me so much JOY. yes, JOY. see, I'm overusing the word JOY because you mentioned it at your concert about 10 months ago. still using it. thank you for being you. xxxxxxxxx"
"grrr wanted to be home early tonight to book tickets for My Favourite Singer's concert. now I'll have to be in the SECOND row. boo hoo. #MyFavouriteSingersConcertOnThisDate"
"yay concert in two years' time! can't wait. love you My Favourite Singer. <3 #MyFavouriteSingersConcertOnThisDate #IUseReallyLongAndIrritatingHashTagsThatBarelyFitIntoTheWordLimitBecauseICanAndImShowingThatImReallySocialMediaSavvyByDoingSo"
Ok. We GET it. You love this person's work, fair enough. For our sanity though, PLEASE STOP VOMITING ABOUT IT IN EVERY SINGLE POST YOU MAKE!
Don't even get me started on RPG Addicts. Pfft, as if they are real RPGs anyway.
"Addict needs your help with her ewe! She's in labour and needs a helping hand to deliver the lambs!"
"Addict needs just ONE MORE recipe to become the best cook in the world! EVERRR!"
"Addict wants some nails and sticky tape to build a mansion! Yeah that's right! A MANSION FOR THEIR MADE UP, VIRTUAL WORLD IN WHAMSHIMBOMBOOBA!"
STUPID PEOPLE MAKE ME SHOUT IN MY BLOGS! X
Thursday, 12 January 2012
Ohhh oh, sometimes, I get a good feeling... yeah!
So I'm undecided on whether I prefer Flo Rida's 'Good Feeling' or Avicii's 'Levels'. It's no secret that I've always been a bit of a whore when it comes to dance music and I've never been a popping and locking fan of rap; HOWEVER, I have a sneaky suspicion that Flo Rida might just pip poor little Avicii to the post on this one. The reason being? I just don't feel like there's enough going on in 'Levels'... the hook is the only bit that really sticks out, and although I love the electro feel in the background, 'Good Feeling' almost feels more upbeat and reflects that really good feeling that this man singing obviously has.
The question I have is: where did this sample actually come from? Is it an old song remade like most 'new' songs today? Or is it something new that happens to have been used on both of the recently released tracks? Hmm... A little investigative work is in order I believe!
In other news, I've rediscovered my love for New Super Mario Bros. recently, thanks to that ever so amusing ninja in my life. I decided to set my Wii up again finally, and he fell in love with the game the minute he touched the Wiimote. Ever since, instead of "Lauren, shall we go to the cinema tonight?" it's been "Lauren, let's play Mario this evening!" Oh dear. I think I've created a monster... Soon we'll have completed the game and what will he do then? Move onto Zelda? (I hope :P)
Lauren Moore: Creating Mario addicts since 2012.
;) x
The question I have is: where did this sample actually come from? Is it an old song remade like most 'new' songs today? Or is it something new that happens to have been used on both of the recently released tracks? Hmm... A little investigative work is in order I believe!
In other news, I've rediscovered my love for New Super Mario Bros. recently, thanks to that ever so amusing ninja in my life. I decided to set my Wii up again finally, and he fell in love with the game the minute he touched the Wiimote. Ever since, instead of "Lauren, shall we go to the cinema tonight?" it's been "Lauren, let's play Mario this evening!" Oh dear. I think I've created a monster... Soon we'll have completed the game and what will he do then? Move onto Zelda? (I hope :P)
Lauren Moore: Creating Mario addicts since 2012.
;) x
Thursday, 22 December 2011
Time to reflect...
2011. Wow.
I can quite honestly say that this year has been the biggest life changer of all for me. No, I don’t mean that in a typical “this year was rubbish, 2012 will be my year, new year new start blah blah BLAH” kinda way. I mean it in a life improvement way.
Right through from January to December, this year has taught me a lot of lessons. Some of them unfortunately came around in the hard way, but they’ve only aided me in my life’s path.
I strode into the year at full speed, with my head in the clouds and my problems buried in the sand. I partied with my now ex-work colleagues at a late Christmas party and quite honestly, it was the best I’ve ever been to. February came, along with my 20th birthday, and everything seemed plain sailing. Disaster struck soon enough though. For a couple of months, I found myself in an incredibly dark place - but trying to be my ever-positive self, I kept it hidden until it burst out of my chest in a way I could never have imagined it would. There’s a dear friend who was my lifeline during this period, and had it not been for him, the experience would have been much harder. I can’t thank you enough - if you ever need me, I’ll be right there with that three scoop ice cream in my hands for you! :)
Of course, true to my determined nature, I came striding through that dark patch and entered an entirely new dimension. Literally everything important in my life changed - my home, my job (twice!)... and my friends. This year taught me who my real friends are - the ones who are always there to pick me up when I fall flat on my face and keep their judgement to themselves. It did, however, introduce some wonderful people into my life and even more wonderful relationships grew with people that had been around for quite a while...
So, as I sit here on 22nd December 2011, writing this blog entry and excited about spending Christmas with the people that I love the most, I wish you all a fabulous festive season and I’ll be back in the New Year!
Whorse, JPGs and of course, my fantastic ninja apprentice - YOU have made my year. <3 xxx
I can quite honestly say that this year has been the biggest life changer of all for me. No, I don’t mean that in a typical “this year was rubbish, 2012 will be my year, new year new start blah blah BLAH” kinda way. I mean it in a life improvement way.
Right through from January to December, this year has taught me a lot of lessons. Some of them unfortunately came around in the hard way, but they’ve only aided me in my life’s path.
I strode into the year at full speed, with my head in the clouds and my problems buried in the sand. I partied with my now ex-work colleagues at a late Christmas party and quite honestly, it was the best I’ve ever been to. February came, along with my 20th birthday, and everything seemed plain sailing. Disaster struck soon enough though. For a couple of months, I found myself in an incredibly dark place - but trying to be my ever-positive self, I kept it hidden until it burst out of my chest in a way I could never have imagined it would. There’s a dear friend who was my lifeline during this period, and had it not been for him, the experience would have been much harder. I can’t thank you enough - if you ever need me, I’ll be right there with that three scoop ice cream in my hands for you! :)
Of course, true to my determined nature, I came striding through that dark patch and entered an entirely new dimension. Literally everything important in my life changed - my home, my job (twice!)... and my friends. This year taught me who my real friends are - the ones who are always there to pick me up when I fall flat on my face and keep their judgement to themselves. It did, however, introduce some wonderful people into my life and even more wonderful relationships grew with people that had been around for quite a while...
So, as I sit here on 22nd December 2011, writing this blog entry and excited about spending Christmas with the people that I love the most, I wish you all a fabulous festive season and I’ll be back in the New Year!
Whorse, JPGs and of course, my fantastic ninja apprentice - YOU have made my year. <3 xxx
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